18 August 2010

Grandchildren On Your Knee: Vera, Chuck, And The Notes From The News

Evening all. As my friend Jon said earlier, Theo Huxtable turned forty today, Frances Cobain turned 18, and I don't feel so good myself. How good you feel depends on how you feel about tonight's newsnotes:

As further evidence of the passage of time, site favorite the A. V. Club has posted its preview of the new fall TV shows, and whether or not they mean the future of TV or more of the same. Given the number of cheapjack sitcoms and police procedurals dotting the list, I'm going to hazard a guess that the future of TV is a lot like its present: derivative and unoriginal.

Speaking of the future, The Wrap somehow managed to intercept a Paramount e-mail, revealing what seems to be the studio's slate of movies for most of the next year. The properties seem legit -- it mentions Star Trek, MI3, and Kathryn Bigelow's upcoming movie with Will Smith, as well as a few in-development properties, like 7 Minutes In Heaven, supposedly a JJ Abrams idea that turns the old teenage makeout game into a gritty thriller (no, seriously), and Hasbro Factory, a just-stupid-enough-to-be-real film described as Night At the Museum in a toy factory (sounds like product placement heaven). Paramount is denying that this is real, of course, but honestly? This looks like a Paramount plant, and could turn out to generate a lot of conversation over the coming months. If so could be a new wrinkle in viral marketing. 

Ben Affleck interviews a handcuffed Blake Lively for Interview magazine. Despite her stunning beauty and by all reports formidable acting ability and her good eye for scripts, she seems unable to tell Affleck what the fuck happened to his career. Maybe if he takes the handcuffs off . . . 

This just in: Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret, states in her new book, The Power, that the economy isn't what ails us, it's our refusal to believe in her asinine blend of phony self-actualization and magical thinking. In related news, I'm going to write a book called The Ass, and invite Rhona to kiss it.

The trailer for Darren Aronofsky's new film is out. Black Swan features ballet, obsession, ballet, overbearing stage mothers, ballet, and Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis making out. Oh, and apparently there's ballet in the film as well. No word on whether or not there's a double anal dildo scene. 

Hey! Did you know that some rappers make a lot of money? I know, I know! I too was taken completely by surprise when I heard! After all, I thought rap was all about keeping it real and talking about the thug life on the mean streets, but . . . gosh. Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that Paul McCartney isn't really dead . . . 

By now you've no doubt heard about the cover for the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone, featuring Alexander Skarsgard, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer stark nekkid and covered in blood. Well, it gets better. In the article, Skarsgard tells the interviewer that when he's filming nude scenes for the show, he really is nude"I don't want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we're naked in the scene, then I'm naked. I've always been that way." You're welcome, ladies.

Also in the new Rolling Stone, Bono tells us that U2 is working on a "club-sounding" album, as well as a rock-oriented album culled from the No Line On The Horizon recording sessions. Great. We get retreads of the same half-assed album we got last year, and a retread of Pop. Sort of makes me wish the "club-sounding" album was the sound of a club being used to plsay whack-a-mole with Bono's smirkingly douchetastic face. 

Speaking of clubbing, this is the way the world ends:


Good night, kids. 

1 comment:

  1. '"I don't want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we're naked in the scene, then I'm naked. I've always been that way." You're welcome, ladies.'