30 August 2010

I'll Be Seeing You In All The Old Familiar Notes From The News

Heylo everybody, heylo! Been a good weekend, though not terribly productive -- still working on the next Track By Track column, though that should be done in the next day or two. . It's just proving a bit trickier to pin down than I first imagined. But that's neither here nor there, as it's time to get to the newsnotes!

Well, the big news from the weekend was obviously the Emmy Awards show. I didn't watch but others did, and it seems that Jimmy Fallon made a decent, inoffensive host, and kept things moving along as smartly as could be expected. Pajiba has a somewhat more detailed rundown and analysis, and of course a gratuitous shot of Christina Hendricks's tits, without which television apparently wouldn't be worth watching at all.

Speaking of tits, Jennifer Aniston is going to be starring in a new movie. I know, I was shocked too! Judd Apatow's Wanderlust will feature Aniston as a bisexual woman who does drugs and engages in a nekkid threesome with two other women. So now we know what it takes to actually get people to go see a Jennifer Aniston movie.

Speaking of things best viewed in dark rooms, Violante Placido, George Clooney's co-star and love interest in the upcoming The American, suggests that Mr. Clooney was maybe not so . . . intuitive . . . when it came to filming their sexy sexy scene of sex together. Sorry about that, ladies.

Speaking of guys who need to do some apologizing: January Jones's man about town Jason Sudekis has opened his mouth and fallen right into the fucking thing. Last week he made some untoward comments about his relationship with Jones, including whether or not he's seen her in the altogether, and she is far from amused. "He's never seen me naked, nor will he after those comments," she said last night. Sounds like it's gonna be pretty cold in January this year. And it sounds like poor ole Jason is gonna have to wait for January's career to wane so he can see her naked in a Judd Apatow movie!

Speaking of repeated jokes, the Beetle Bailey comic strip is sixty years old. In a related story, the material in the Beetle Bailey comic strip is about seventy or eighty. Thousand.

Speaking of rehashing things, John Cusack is going to star in a new adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven. The catch this time around is that Cusack is actually going to play Edgar Allan Poe, investigating a series of murders near the end of his life in 1850s Baltimore. Which is all well and good until you realize that Poe died in 1849. Um, woopsie. Apparently whoever wrote this script was as drunk as Poe at the end of his life in 1972 or whatever the fuck they think it is. Good luck John -- you're gonna need it.

Speaking of luck, here's wishing some for the new BBC one-shot pilot adaptation of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by the late, great Douglas Adams. The time-spanning novel is a fondly remembered geek classic, and it's one of those situations where, if it gets a big enough audience, there could be a series in it. So this could be more awesome than the time I created cold fusion in the cat's food dish. Which was a bit of a mess actually, what with all the fur and tachyon decay to wipe off the walls.

Speaking of cleaning up, Toy Story 3 has now become the grossingest grossing animated movie ever to gross a gross of grosses. Congratulations Disney/Pixar, and try not to spend the money you've made on a miserable piece of hackwork.

And speaking of Akiva Goldsman, he's announced today that he's soon going to be digging up the bodies of Chuck Heston, Henry Fonda, Toshiro Mifune, Jim Coburn, and Bob Mitchum, and piss in their faces while laughing. Or at least, he's going to commit the cinematic equivalent of that.  And that will not stand. I'm sorry Akiva. You leave me no choice but to UNLEASH THE BUSEYS.


You brought this on yourself, Goldsman.

And that's it from me. Hope the week is good to you, and see you all tomorrow night!

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