24 August 2010

Johnny's In The Basement, Mixing Up The Medicine, I'm On The Pavement, Thinking 'Bout The Notes In The News

Greetings and felicitations, web friendlies! The day is over, the night has just begun, and I may or may not be wearing pants. And with that horrifying image set firmly at the forefront of our minds, let's have us a look at the newsnotes:

There's a riot goin' on! Or at least there was, this past weekend in Fort Collins, Colorado. Who caused it? Was it the Juggalos? Political malcontents? Pee Wee Herman and the Hell's Angels on their way back from Sturgis? Nope. 'Twas Earth, Wind, and Fire. Apparently their danceable '70s sound was just too darned much for the Coloradans who came out to hear them, and after they left the stage, chaos ensued. Then after ensuing, it decided to hang around and embroil for a bit. 400 people rampaged through the downtown area, some poor bastard got thrown through a window, and vehicles were set ablaze. Ahh, nothing like some sweet soul music to set one at ease.  

The aptly named Spencer Pratt and the surgically altered Heidi Montag are at it again with more of their fakery. This time Spencer is "shopping" a phony sex tape around, and Heidi is having a phony little bitchslap fight with him about it on Twitter. And as if that wasn't enough, there's some Playboy Playmate or other involved, probably tagging along in the vain hope that someone besides hef will actually give a tin tinker's fart about her. And all of this would maybe be slightly more believable if Heidi and Spence hadn't been seen the very next day at a resort on Costa Rica. In other news, Spencer and Heidi can go fuck themselves with a loaded bazooka.

In considerably more awesome news, Michael Jai White was also on Twitter of late, talking about a potential sequel to Black Dynamite, which according to White will be "even blacker and more dynamitey!" Which, incidentally, is also what I want printed on my tombstone when I die. SHUT UP, I"M GETTING A TAN RIGHT BEFORE.

And now, we bring you another chapter in The Sluttification Of Miley Cyrus! Part Two: The Sluttening: Miley is in a new movie with Ashton Kutcher's mom Demi Moore called (and I wish to God I was making this crap up) LOL: Laughing Out Loud -- because LOL wasn't a braindead shithead stupid enough title on it's own, apparently. Anyway, guess what Miley's character does in this new piece of shi -- um, sure to be classic cinema? If you guessed that she smokes weed, drinks like an alcoholic fish, flashes her brand new brazilian wax job, and loses her virginity at age 17, you'd be absolutely correct. But Miley is a wholesome girl. Really. No, seriously! C'mon! WE SWEAR TO GOD SHE'S A FUCKING ROLE MODEL, ALL RIGHT? JEEZ.

Meanwhile, in the music world -- or, well, the world of musical has-beens, really -- George Michael pleaded guilty today to various drug-related offenses. Guess he must have reconsidered that foolish notion. Michael could face jail time as this is his second or third conviction in as many years. Now if they could just charge him with being an accessory to Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 . . .

AMC is putting its promotional campaign for its new series The Walking Dead into high gear. Buzz has been awesome about this Frank Darabont-produced adaptation of the Robert Kirkman comic book series, and given the quality of the linked four minute trailer, which wowed them at SDCC this year, it's not difficult to see why. Move over George Romero, you've got some company. Some moldy, somewhat smelly company. Hope you don't mind.

Finally, it's our sad duty to announce that Martin Short's wife Nancy Dolman passed away this weekend at the age of 58. She had been treated for cancer in the past, but there was no word at press time if this was the cause of her death or something more sudden. Our condolences go out to Marty Short and his family, and our prayers are with them all.

That's it for tonight. I don't have anything else that's clever or witty to say so i leave you with an image of a monkey riding a goat:

Be good to each other, and I'll see you tomorrow.


  1. ok, the monkey riding the goat thing was enough to make me laugh

    probably more than i should have

  2. When in doubt, always close with a monkey riding a goat.