17 August 2010

Notes From The News: An Irresistable Force Meeting A Moveable Feast

Hey-ho, whoop we go, Heidi hike up your knickers with a three fisted hot buttered Bob, it's time for the newsnotes!

Site favorite Pajiba.com has news and views on the continuing casting saga of X-Men: First Class, which they have charmingly taken to calling Ratnerfucking II even though Ratner is thankfully not spraying his directorial musk all over this one. Matthew Vaughn, however, doesn't seem to have learned by Ratner's example. His cast is already bloated, and unless he can overcome the horrible scripting that dogged X3 and the Wolverine film, Vaughn is going to wind up having a very significant amount of genetically mutated egg on his face. At least we hope that's egg and not Mystique having a yolk at his expense (please don't hurt me).

Well, when you start off with a classy joke like that there's nowhere to go but hell, and that's pretty much what Tila Tequila went through at the annual Gathering of the Juggalos in Illinois. Not only was she ridiculed and booed and pelted with everything from water bottles to human feces, not only could she not mollify the crowd by taking off her top, and not only did the Juggalos chase her back to her trailer and smash out the windows, apparently ICP rapper Shaggy 2 Dope was intent on sexing her the entire time. Almost makes you feel sorry for her. If you want to know more about this human trainwreck crossed with an explosion at a Faygo factory, check out A. V. Club writer Nathan Rabin's awesome account here.

This just in: Alex Trebek is SEVENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD. Congratulations to Alex for continuing to do an awesome job on Jeopardy, and congratulations as well on being one of the few North American men to successfuly outlive his cheesy 1970s mustache.

In honor of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World's utter, abject failure at the box office, Pajiba (what, again?) offers one of its better Seriously Random Lists, simply chock full of critically adored movies that tanked on their opening weekends. How that applies to Scott Pilgrim, which from what I saw got reviews that mostly said "I want to like this, but eeeehhhhhhhhhhhh . . . " is a little beyond me.

Michael Douglas has cancer of the throat. He also has a hot wife and a bajillion dollars, so things kind of balance out. That said, we her at Nighthawk Postcards wish him a speedy recovery so we can start poking fun at him again soon.

X Japan, who absolutely killed at Lollapalooza this year and who are very big in Japan because, well, they're from the fucking place, have announced their first North American Tour. Difficulty: they've actually been around for twenty-plus years, are described as a cross between Queen and Mötley Crüe,  they were heavily influential in the spread of anime culture. We're trying not to hold any of that against them. Also their lead singer has been described as the Japanese version of Bono, and seriously FUCK BONO. Um, sorry. Don't hold that against them, either . . .  or against me.

Completely gratuitous Frank Zappa reference, dept.: Laurence Fishburne will not be moving to Montana soon, yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay.

Topless Robot presents a list of 10 seriously screwed over children of superheroes. Insert Batman into Robin here.

And finally, speaking of screwed over: Rooney Mara: Lisabeth in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Previous experience: playing Nancy in the Nightmare On Elm Street remake. Other actresses up for the part: Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson, Carey Mulligan. David Fincher: officially high on crack.

And while we're on the subject, how did Emma Watson react to losing the role of Lisabeth?

Yeah . . . that's what I figured.

Okay gangeroo, be good to each other until next time!

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