09 August 2010

Notes From The News: Like the Rebirth Of Cool

Hi-ho, neighborino. August is here, summer is hotting up, and  poodles are melting into puddles. While you're busy frying your eggs on the sidewalk, have yourself some newsnotes:

The big news from the weekend was that one of the ultimate Hollywood survivors, Patricia Neal, passed away on Sunday. She was 84. Neal appeared in several classic films, including Hud, which garnered her an Oscar. She suffered a nervous breakdown, three strokes, and a marriage to Roald Dahl, and kept on acting. Here's to ya, Pat. Rest well.

Sufjan Stevens has announced a series of tour dates. He will be taking his band and his idiosyncratic song stylings across Canada and the United States. And from the look of the photos on his website, he will be leaving his smile at home.

We interrupt Nighthawk Postcards for the following public service announcement: If you have any stock in distillery or brewing companies, SELL THAT SHIT. Because Snooki just quit drinking. Also, please be on the lookout for seven seals being opened. Thank you. We now return you to Nighthawk Postcards.

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh deary me. It seems that Laurence Fishburne's daughter Montana (not Wildhack but an incredible simulation), the wannabe porn star, is actually taking a step up career-wise by appearing in adult videos. That's because she apparently used to be a prostitute. Ohhhh, poor Laurence. I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice, hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole? I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up . . .

Yesterday was the (fictional) wedding date of (fictional) Lisa Simpson, a (fictional) character on the long running (fictional) TV cartoon show, in an episode that aired fifteen years ago, when your humble blogger was twenty-five and still had most of the hair on his head. (Sigh.) Someone at 11 Points thought it would be a fun idea to take a look at the episode and see what (fictional) predictions were made that proved accurate . . .  and stretched the premise thin enough to get an eleven point list out of it. Next week's 11 worst "predictions" list ought to be infinitely easier to write.

Yoko Ono: Ruining shit for Beatles fans for over 40 years. Don't worry Kyoko, Mummy's only looking for her dignity in the bank vault.

Are you a complete nerd and have countless hours to waste poring over mind numbing minutiae online? Then you could be a Wikipedia edito--noooo noooo, just kidding, sorry. Actually, Ugo.com has something for you: A comprehensive list of every Sci-Fi reference that ever appeared on Futurama. Go on, have fun; we'll still be here when you get back. And the pointing and laughing is just how we say hello around here.

I normally avoid politics on this site, but this was just too good to pass up. I'm sure you've heard by now that former Fugee Wyclef Jean is running for President in Haiti, right? Well, looks like his former rapping partner Pras still has some bad feelings about the split -- or maybe he just has some professional jealousy because he's the least talented former Fugee. Either way, Pras has surfaced from a long period of irrelevance to state that he will not be supporting Wyclef in his political aspirations, and will instead be supporting 'Clef's opponent. Meanwhile, Lauryn Hill is still working on her second solo album and talking to the knotholes in her front door or some crazy ass shit like that. Good luck 'Clef!

And finally, I am going to say six or seven words to you that will hopefully put as big a laugh in your day as it did in mine: Justin Bieber. Water bottle. Face. Impact. Video. You're welcome.

That's it for now. Till next time, be excellent to each other!

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