16 September 2010

Did you hear the news about Edward? On the back of his head he had the Notes From The News

Hello all. Glad you could join me. Unless you haven't joined me, in which case I'm sorry you couldn't make it. And now, the news:

Lionsgate is pursuing Gary Ross (Pleasantville, Seabiscuit) to direct an adaptation of Suzanne Collins' so hot it's about to achieve fission property The Hunger Games,  from a script by Billy Ray (State of Play) and Collins herself. Pop quiz, hotshot: if you had your druthers, who would you hire to direct, script and star in this movie? Difficulty: I haven't read the books yet. (I plan to, don't yell at me!)

This just in: MGM now stands for "Mom, Got Money?" The financially troubled (and by troubled I mean employees are checking the ramen stock in their cupboards) studio is shuffling the release dates of its planned films in the hopes that nobody will notice that MGM doesn't have the cash to actually get any of them made. Or to distribute the ones that are already finished. So much for ars gratia artis.

I don't want to go on the cart, dept.: Character actor Harold Gould passed away over the weekend at the age of 86. gould had a truly impressive resume, and worked in the business for decades, appearing on dozens of TV shows including The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Dallas, Rhoda, Golden Girls, and Nip/Tuck, to name just a few. he worked on Woody Allen's Love And Death, made an unforgettable appearance as Kid Twist in The Sting, and I'm just scratching the surface here. Go check his IMDB profile if you want to get a look at what an amazing career Gould had. Meantime join me in observing a moment of silence for Harold Gould and his sexy sexy mustache. 

Dustin Rowles over at Pajiba has some thoughts about the upcoming Kevin James movie type product thingy, and predictably none of those words are "Oh joy, I can't wait to buy my ticket!"

Katy Perry, who is totally a responsible, professional adult and not at all still a petty, bitchy twelve year old, dedicated "Ur So Gay" to a former unrequited crush  when she spotted him in the audience of a show she was giving at her old high school. This whole thing is alike a Steely Dan song . . . if Steely Dan were composed of former members of n'Sync. Which is a horrifying thought in and of itself. 

Night of the living deadweight, dept.: Much like M. Night Shyamalupagus, David Fincher is now entering into a production deal that will create a series of films based on scripts written by but not necessarily directed by him, thereby presumably ridding Fincher of his backlog. The difference is that what Fincher does is generally pretty good, whereas M. Night is the hackiest hackety hack who ever hacked a hack with his hacky hacky hackness.

Good news! Soon you too will be able to smell like a half-starved, coked-out, possible transsexual attention whore who recycles other people's ideas and thinks meat is appropriate evening wear. With maybe just a hint of clove. 

The new Fast and the Furious sequel, Fast Five (which sounds more like a Subway sandwich deal than a movie), has been synopsisizedededed  for Collider, and it's about what you'd expect from one of these movies, only louder and stupider and shot in Rio de Janiero so the producers can show more tits and ass.

It is better to reign in Hell with kick ass air support than be true to the source material, dept.: Alex Proyas is slated to adapt Milton's epic Paradise Lost -- telling "the story of the epic war in heaven between archangels Michael and Lucifer, and will be crafted as an action vehicle that will include aerial warfare, possibly shot in 3D." I . . . I just . . . I mean . . . FUGGABUGGAGLUUUURRRRRBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB *head explodes*

And that's all I can stands, I can't stands no more. I leave you with a link to a photograph of Rainn Wilson and Megan Fox. One of them is naked. Up to you to decide how brave you are.

Night folks!

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