01 September 2010

Fuzzy Dice And Notes From The News, Fuzzy Dice!

Hey there, kids and non-kids! How was your day? Mine was pretty good, only three sobbing meltdowns and one desk-humping. And speaking of humping, here's some Hump Day bumpers to satisfy your soul:

Avatar director and filmic plagiarist perfectionist James Cameron has decreed, in his infinite smugness, that Piranha 3D is, and I quote, "exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3D." As you can imagine, P3D director mark Canton did not take kindly to such sentiments and penned an open letter to Cameron, ripping him a new one or three in the process. Who's king of the world now, muthafugga? 

Rolling Stone is continuing its run of tv-themed covers by featuring the principal cast of Mad Men. Only this time, instead of stripping them naked and spattering them with blood, they just photoshopped the fuck out of them. I guess that's in the spirit of 1960s advertising, huh?

Blastr has some new pics from the Conan movie, and they can best be described as . . . um . . . hrm. Well, maybe I'll just let you see for yourself. The NSFW pics apparently are from a scene in a tavern or a brothel as they involve drinking and breasts . . . both of which I applaud. But overall they also look like outtakes from Lord of the Rings on a day when Peter Jackson was off the set and someone let the Hobbits direct. This kind of thing would make Robert E. Howard would kill himself all over again.

Cyber was the cause that they gave him, dept.: Snoop Dogg has been a rapper, an actor, a commercial pitchman, a presenter of Girls Gone Wild style softcore, and stoned out of his fuckin' mind on weed and cognac. This week he's adding a new occupation to his resume: crusader for cyber-justice. Snoop is tired of the piracy and identity theft he's run into during his career, and he's doing something about it. So he's partnering with Symantec to . . . wait. Symantec? I thought he said he was going to do something about it.

AMC apparently has a hard-on for zombies. They are so jazzed about Frank Darabont's TV series adaptation of the Walking Dead comic book series, they're already ordering a second season . . . before the first season has even aired. This is just about unheard of in series television, and it speaks volumes about the quality of what Darabont and co. are doing. This show is shaping up to be some of the best TV we're going to see this year. That or it's a blatant attempt by the undead to advance the Zombie Agenda. Which is, essentially, BRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS . . .

They're making a new Hellraiser movie . . . and based on the level of the talent involved this one is going to be so bad it's going to make Clive Barker spin in his grave . . . and the poor bastard isn't even dead yet.

Robot Chicken creators Seth Green and Matt Senreich are involved in a new show called ControlTV, in which viewers will be able to vote in real time on every single thing the main character does -- from his clothes  to his dating habits. This is either a stroke of goddamn genius, a work of overinflated goddamn egos, or a concept from a Firesign Theatre album brought to goddamn life.

John le Carre says in a new interview that writing a book is just like having a baby . . . except, y'know, for the nausea and vomiting, the fatigue, the thickening of the hips, the sometimes painful swelling of the breasts, the contractions, and the hours of labor involved in pushing of a six-to-ten-pound human infant through an orifice that is ten times too small for it. Sure, John. They're totally identical. Totally.

And finally: Site favorite the A. V. Club reports that Joan Cusack is joining the cast of Showtime's upcoming drama series Shameless, playing an agoraphobic housewife with a sexpot daughter and a (ahem) special friendship with series star William H. Macy. Which is all well and good, but the truly awesome news is that Showtime has also hired the one and only EDDIE IZZARD to appear on the upcoming season of The United States of Tara. Izzard will play Tara's psychology professor, and will help Tara explore her dissociative personality disorder. At press time there was no word on whether he would be doing so in a fabu Chanel dress and killer makeup. Because executive transvestites rock.



That's it from me! Have a good night, and keep on keeping whatever it is you're on.

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