07 September 2010

If There's A Bustle In Your Hedgerow, Don't Be Alarmed Now, It's Just A Spring Clean For The Notes In The News

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to snark, I appear bearing bumpers. Regardez:

Satan M. Night Shyamalan is considering making a sequel to Unbreakable, his second and last reasonably well-regarded film. But the sequel he wants to make concerns a character he cut from the original Unbreakable script, and the Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson characters won't even appear in it. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE, MIND-BOGGLING TWIST!

All the pretty things are going to hell, dept.: Lady Gaga is apparently so desperate to stay thin that she was hospitalized SIX TIMES in 2009 for dangerous dieting, in order to adhere to fashon industry standards of thinness. What an incredible non-conformist!

Terry Gilliam's personal windmill has defeated him again: the director admits in a Variety interview (which is unfortunately paywalled so I'm linking to an AV Club article about it) that financing on The Man Who Killed Don Quixote has fallen through again. He then started humming the song "Brazil" and insisted that Harry Tuttle was going to save him.

Yoko Ono says John Lennon still helps her -- earn a shitload of money by living off his name. Oh, and something about peace and art too. But really it's mostly about the money.

News that will interest exactly three people, dept: Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband Peter Cook (no, not the Very Impressive Clergyman from The Princess Bride, another, far less talented Peter Cook) were almost photographed together at a party in the Hamptons over the weekend. In related news, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr were sighted playing music in different places at different times, and that's still more interesting than any of that other shit I just told you about. 

Morrissey, continuing his upstanding tradition of being totally the nicest guy every, calls the Chinese a "subspecies" in a recent interview. What a sweet, sweet guy. As cute as baby spiders.

Katy Perry wants to be a British citizen after she marries that hairy comedian dude what's his face. I guess this will make it easier for her to stay in the country after they get divorced in a year or two. Bonus: pics of Katy in latex -- which, let's be honest, is what you were hoping for in the first place. 

Dreckmeister Jan De Bont is directing a live action version of Mulan, because hey, why the fuck not, starring Zhang Ziyi, because HOT CHINESE CHICK WITH KUNG FU SKILLS, duhhurr duhhurr. Hey, De Bont can't make his version any worse than Disney made theirs, right?

Bono and the Edge have been partying hearty in Istanbul. Meanwhile, they're also still doing everything they can to avoid paying taxes in their home country of Ireland. You know, those taxes that pay for civil services that are used to help the lower classes Bono is always ragging on other people about helping? Yeah, Bono's kind of a douche. In other news, FUCK BONO with a spiked shilelagh.

And that's the newsnotes. I'd offer more, but I'm tired, and besides: Now is the time on Nighthawk Postcards when we dance:

Well, it would be if the world wasn't a killjoy. 

Have a good evening, folks!

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