20 September 2010

Little ditty about Jack and Diane, two American kids growing up in Notes From The News-land

The weekend is over, the new week just begun, and after a day of obsessively searching the internet I've decided to stop looking at your sister's boobs and instead put up a blog post. Lot of TV-centric stories going on right now, mostly because of the new season starting, so be warned. Onward:

For instance: The season premiere of The Apprentice was the lowest rated episode in the show's history, hopefully proving that the novelty of Donald Trump's big mouth and stupid god damn hair have finally worn off. Bonus: the premiere failed against reruns on CBS and ABC.

Sarah Silverman is going to make us pay for what Jimmy Kimmel used to see for free every night, by going full frontal in a new movie directed by Sarah Polley, who I personally would much rather prefer to see in a full frontal scene, but eh, whatever. It's not like I'm going to see this movie  unless I catch it on late night cable anyway.

Kelly McGillis married her girlfriend Melanie Leis last Wednesday, news that is sure to startle Tom Cruise and send him running for the mouthwash. And before you take offense on Kelly's behalf, maybe I'm making the joke at reportedly-rabidly-homophobic Tom's expense. Juuuuust maybe.

J. J. Abrams is said to be pitching a comedic drama starring Michael Emerson and Terry O’Quinn (LOST‘s Ben Linus and John Locke) as former black-ops agents. All he needs now is to bring in the Cloverfield monster and some Red Matter to make a genuinely confusing trainwreck out of it.

Stephen King is guesting on an episode of Sons of Anarchy this season, and does an interview about it here. His character's name? Bachman. Looks like all things really do serve the Beam.

Jenniver Love Halfwitt -- er, Hewitt, sorry -- is trying anything in her power to get herself and her boobs and her line-reading abiltiy (we'll not dignify it by calling it "acting") and her boobs and her hair and her boobs back on TV. To that end she and her boobs are going to star in a half hour sitcom for Fox described as a female version of Big Bang Theory. what this actually means other than Hewitt possibly wearing glasses and clothing that accentuates her boobs, I do not know. but some of the hacks -- um, talent, sorry -- behind Wild Hogs and the recent Nancy Drew movie are behind it, so you know it's going to be good -- er, sucktacular, sorry. Say, did I mention that Jennifer Love Hewitt has boobs? Because she has boobs. Boobs boobs boobs boobsy boobs.

A jury has awarded a $40,000 judgment against Kid Rock and his entourage for assaulting a man in a Waffle House restaurant. The foreman of the jury said they took a look at Rock and honestly didn't think he had more than $40k to spare.

You and your concept are sooooo high dude, dept.: Producers of Glee and 24 are pooling their (aHEM) considerable creative resources to come up with a character driven show that "deals with making people face their worst fears and phobias." There is no truth to the rumor that said therapy will involve being kneecapped by a belligerent, shouty, frequently drunken FBI man while a swing choir mashes up Journey, Van Halen and Cee Lo in the background.

And finally: Fantasy author and satirist Sir Terry Pratchett was so excited after being knighted by the queen that he actually forged his own sword to mark the occasion. Glad to see that he had the mettle for such a thing.

Well, when you end on a horrible pun like that there's nowhere to go but down:

. . . I totally meant to do that.

Be excellent to each other!

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