14 October 2010

Don't call it a comeback, I been here for years, rockin' my peers and puttin' suckas in the Notes From The News

Hidelly ho, neighborinos! The time is ripe, and so was the garbage I put out last night, but never mind my silliness, here's some of my silliness:

The big news in nerd-movie-dom this week has to be: The Mad Max reboot has been delayed -- again -- so Tom Hardy is now free to pursue something else for a while. And that something else turns out to be Christopher Nolan's third Batman movie, which just signed Hardy on this week. His character has not been revealed yet, but odds are he'll be playing a villain . . . and those Killer Croc rumors which I dismissed the other day are still cropping up. We'll have to wait and see, but color me intrigued. Just not with an actual crayon. My kid already does that.

There may very well be a Top Gun sequel. And it may very well have Tom Cruise in it, albeit in a limited, "not obvious" role. Because Tom Cruise NEVER does anything that's obvious, baby. Except for half his filmography and Katie Holmes' nipples. 

Jerry Bruckheimer is creating a new reality show called Take the Money and Run which apparently will encourage people to commit "crimes" in order to receive large piles of gooey cash with a nougat center or some dumbfuck thing. Hey folks, remember when we actually had a code of morals in this country about crime not paying and people being honest and accountable for their actions? Yeah, I don't either. So I have to knock the old lady into the Central Park Reservoir to win the million bucks? I'm in.

Natalie Portman is the frontrunner to star in Ridley Scott's Alien prequel, which if there's any justice will be titled We've Seen This Before, Haven't We? 

Angelina Jolie has been refused permission to shoot her new movie in Bosnia-Herzegovina because Bosnians are afraid she will try to adopt all their children . . . no, they're afraid Brad Pitt will show up with another scary-looking beard on his face . . . no, that's not it, either. Ah, wait! It's about some trumped up ethnic/racist bullshit that misinterprets the script for the purposes of advancing an anti-Serb agenda. Bet Angelina misses the simpler days when all she had to do was play with snakes and purr "Alexanderrrrrrr" in a terrible Greek accent.

Cartoon Network is apparently set to adapt How To Train Your Dragon into an animated series. I was going to make a bad joke about this but I honestly can't think of any. This is a pretty cool idea.

It's being reported that Rhys Ifans will play Curt Connors/The Lizard in the new Spider-Man reboot, which is pretty good as it doesn't blow the Green Goblin out of the possibilities right away and, if they can resolve the film without actually killing the bad guy for once -- *shakes fist at Sam Raimi* -- he could be a good recurring villain somewhere down the line. Assuming the movie is a success. Which is a big ass out of you and me. But still not as much ass as the third Raimi film sucked.

Lionsgate is producing The Happytime Murders, a "dark puppet" movie to be directed by Brian (son of Jim) Henson. Judging by the story described in the link, it sounds like Alien Nation and  Who Framed Roger Rabbit had a threesome with Avenue Q and this was the felt-covered red-headed baby that resulted. I want to express cautious optimism here, but this looks like a great big muppetty train wreck.

Today in who gives a fuck: David Arquette says he's sorry -- yeah, he sure is one sorry motherfucker, all right; Gavin Rossdale kinda always knew he'd wind up your ex-boyfriend; and Eddie Murphy has fallen so low that he's forced to take a supporting role in a move that was originally written with him in mind for the starring role. Go on, pick it up, Ed. It's like sprinkles, that's all.

Who steals my play maketh trash, dept.: ABC is developing a series out of Romeo and Juliet. Not a mini-series, mind you. A series. A. Weekly. Series. Someone thought this would be a good idea, and apparently the part where the two romantic leads die at the end isn't really bothering anyone (or the fact that one of them is THIRTEEN YEARS OLD), which means we're living in a time when life has started to imitate bad jokes about Hollywood. Apparently the concept is to “peel away the curtain on the impetuous, incestuous, bloody, and violent relationships during the Renaissance in Verona,” because you can't do that by, say, writing an original script or anything. The people involved are director Catherine Hardwicke and producers Wyck Godfrey and Marty Bowen all of whom were involved in Twilight, and Todd Garner, who was one of the writers on Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and suddenly this is all starting to make a lot more sense. Sounds like must flee TV to me. What further woe conspires against mine age?

And that's that. Now is the time on Nighthawk Postcards when we dance:


Jiggy.

Later!

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