07 October 2010

Run, rabbit run, dig that hole, forget the Notes From The News

Afterevening, all. My time is short today as I had to take one of our pets to the vet, and in a bit my son and I are going to the store to pick up some things I ignorantly forgot to get when I was on my way home to take the cat to the vet in the first place. So because I don't have a lot of time, today's newsnotes will be in quick, easily-digestible short form. And here we go:

Un-break the bank, dept.: Toni Braxton is reportedly bankrupt again, and owes a whopping $50 million dollars to a diverse list of creditors including the IRS, Neiman Marcus, AT&T, the Nevada Power Company, and Orkin Pest Control. This is Braxton's second bankruptcy, and it says something about her that we're starting to count her bankruptcies like we count some celebrities' marriages.

Vulture explains how the Peter Jackson/Neil Blomkamp Halo movie fell through, and how Dreamworks may be able to pick up the pieces and make a shitload of money in the process. Or, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Fuck Universal Pictures Over With A Big Fucking Fuckety Fuckstick."

The lunatic is in my head, dept. The title of the new Transformers movie will be Transformers: The Dark of the Moon. Ooohhhhh, arty. Meanwhile, somewhere Roger Waters is beating his head against a desk. 

Sam Raimi has been bouncing from project to project like Tigger with ADD, but apparently Disney has finally grabbed him by the leg, given him some Adderall, and forced him to pick a goddamn movie and stick with it, already. And Rami has chosen his Wizard of Oz prequel, Oz: The Great and Powerful, which may or may not star Robert Downey Jr., depending on how much money the Avengers movie makes.

HOT GOD DAMN, dept.: Cartoon Network's Adult Swim program block has a Black Dynamite cartoon series in the works. Michael Jai White is heavily involved, and based on the screencaps made available the other day I think I speak for the entire congregation when I say FUCK TO THE YES. 

The next Batman movie will start shooting in New Orleans in March or April of next year. No idea who the villain will be yet, but word is that Christian Bale is already bulking up for the role, and gargling broken glass and witch hazel to get his voice into "constipated grizzly bear" mode.

News that makes me feel old, dept.: The cast of Glee has now landed more songs in the Billboard Hot 100 than the Beatles did. That kind of news could kill John Lennon and George Harrison all over again.

ABC has optioned the "Awkward Family Photos" website for possible development into a series. We're just about an inch away from a LOLcats TV show at this point, at which time the seventh seal will be opened and we can all just sit back, crack open a beer and watch the human race slither into hell with a burbling cry of "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?"

And finally: Dear Mike Myers: For the love of humanity, in the name of all that is holy, PLEASE GO THE FUCK AWAY NOW.

And that's all the time we have time for today. Now is the time on Nighthawk Postcards when we have a hat party:

. . . hm. Might want to notify people of that a little earlier next time. 

Have a good one!

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