30 November 2010

You know we've got to find a way to get some Notes From The News here today

Hey there, blog babies! Work's been crazy-ish, and I've been busy-ish, and I think I have my wife's cold (ish), but I still managed to mine the madhouse for more magnificent and marvelous something else beginning with the letter M. And moving right along, here's some news:

The Hobbit cast deathwatch, collateral damage edition, dept.: Wingnut Films had to fire a casting director yesterday over newspaper ads that were placed specifically seeking actors with "light skin tones" and for telling prospective actors that they were "too dark" for the film. Because that's exactly what you want to do in a country with a large dark-skinned indigenous population that already kind of thinks you suck. What's next, telling Peter Dinklage he's too tall to play a dwarf?

Speaking of people getting fired, it seems like the Tiffany Network is jettisoning basically everyone in front of the camera on The Early Show in what is surely not at all a desperate attempt to lift it out of third place in the ratings. So if you watch the show, the current crop of mannequins you know and are mildly indifferent to will soon be replaced by another crop of mannequins. Enjoy!

Maybe I do want to go on the cart, dept.: Revered Italian comedy director Mario Monicelli died Monday night. Not being familiar with Monicelli or his body of work, I probably would not have remarked upon his passing were it not for one thing: The manner in which he chose to pass. Faced with what seems to have been terminal cancer or pancreatic cancer (nobody seems sure right now) and depressed over his fate, Mario chose to go out on his terms -- leaping to his death from the fifth floor of the hospital where he was staying. I'm by no means a fan of suicide as a solution to anything, but at the same time you have to respect the stones it took to do something like that. Godspeed Mario. I hope you find the peace that was eluding you here.

Bucking a trend on daytime TV (and apparently especially on CBS), soap opera The Young and the Restless has been renewed for three more years of contrived plotlines, evil twins, Kid Tricks, and sexy sexy sex. Of course, given that the show has been on the air since 1973 it's hardly young ay more, and since it's been on the same network all that time it can't really be thought of as restless either. But screw it, congratulations Y&R. Keep up the good work and bad acting. 

Johnny Depp was interviewed by Patti Smith for the new issue of Vanity Fair -- yes, that Patti Smith, and yes, that's as awesome as an awesome thing can be without Michael Bay setting off explosions all around it. In the interview Depp talks about totally fucking with Disney minions who apparently thought he was making Captain Jack Sparrow "too gay." Because they should obviously be more worried about that rather than about the ongoing sluttification of just barely legal Miley Cyrus. Right?

Conor Oberst has reteamed with Bright Eyes and they are planning to release a new -- and possibly final -- album. The People's Key is due to drop February 15, and has been described as (ahem) "the best sci-fi emo album of the last 20 years." Because there are just so many of those clamoring to be the best, ya know. Hundreds, surely.

Today in who gives a fuck:
  • Famous for being famous person Khloe Kardashian says she felt "disgusted" after losing her virginity at age 14 to a "man" four years older than she was. And anything I say here would just be crude and insensitive so I'll just confine it to: Yeah, that's what he said. 
  • Mandy Moore says that if she wants a burger, she'll eat one. That rustling sound you just heard was a bunch of Moore-fixated guys filing paperwork to have their last names changed to "Burger." 
  • And as long as I'm being a complete dickbag here: Inferno director Matthew Wilder says that replacing Lindsay Lohan with Malin Akerman as the star of the film is a "16 ton weight" off his mind -- coincidentally, once Lindsay gets out of rehab she's likely to immediately go out and snort that exact weight of cocaine.  

BREAKING NEWS: if you do not take Jon Favreau's Cowboys and Aliens seriously, Harrison Ford will be sent to scowl at you until you do. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

Note to 20th Century Fox: While I understand your desire to protect your copyrighted material and to keep it from leaking to the public, it is worth pointing out to you that, unless Google AdSense and Amazon's Affiliate Program rates have changed dramatically in the last few weeks, you are probably not going to get $15 million out of this woman. Next time send a C&D notice for fuck's sake, you overzealous goobs.

Oh, Kanye. Oh, man. Oh my god, dude. You are un-be-fucking-lievable. Only you could interview Rihanna for Interview magazine and spend the entire time trying to get into her boy-shorts. You magnificent batshit bastard, you. I would take my hat off to you, but I'm afraid you'd start dry-humping my scalp.

And that's all I have for you today. I'm gonna go home and have some chicken soup. We take you now to another part of the world where something magical is going on:


Either that, or some dudes are planning on breaking into a bank. And if you got that reference you need to get out of the house even more than I do. ;)

Later! 

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