03 December 2010

I don't care about your past, I just want our Notes From The News to last

Good Friday everyone! Well, I am happy to report that for the first time in a while, we've made it through a full week of blog postery and tom foolery (whoever the hell Tom is), and that despite having the worst head cold I've had in a while. So three chairs and a tiger for me. And some newsnotes for you!

Showtime has picked up Dexter for a sixth season, meaning Michael C. Hall won't have to worry about being typecast as a genial murderer for at least another year.

Sony is producing a "contemporary" take on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein that they say will hew closer to the original novel . . . which is a pity, as Shelley's novel is only occasionally readable; the rest of the time it's a didactic mish-mash. Which, funnily enough, is also an accurate description of almost every cable news network.

This just in: the movie version of Marmaduke is actually a secret plot by Hollywood Liberals to disenfranchise whites and prevent them from owning property. I know it's true because I heard it from Andrew Pendergraft. And if you can't trust some random racist dude, who the hell can you trust?

In related news, Top Chef hostess Padma Lakshmi was supposed to be on the cover of TV Guide this week, but someone went and replaced the dark-skinned Indian beauty with some random white chick who kinda' looks like her. Nobody's quite sure why they did this, unless maybe someone thought they were supposed to have Padme on the cover instead and thought, "Shit, she doesn't look anything like Natalie Portman!" (Oh come on, I've been dying to make this joke since I started the damn website!)

Josh Duhamel lived up to the first syllable of his last name yesterday when he was ejected from a New York-Kentucky flight for refusing to turn off his Blackberry -- he was too busy texting, you see. Which is always a good excuse for behaving like an asshole to someone. Which Duhamel apparently did to the flight attendant who tried to get him to shut the device off. At which point the plane was returned to the terminal and Duhamel was removed from the equation and hopefully given several invasive TSA pat-downs for his trouble.

Robert Duvall has now gone on record as calling the performances in Stanley Kubrick's films as being the "worst" he's ever seen in movies. Which is pretty big talk coming from the guy who directed, wrote and starred in the absolutely dire Assassination Tango. 

Aaron Eckhart has finally, fully confirmed that Harvey Dent/Two-Face is dead and will not appear in The Dark Knight, no tagbacks, neener neener neener. So we're left with Thomas Hardy, New Orleans, and a metric assload of speculation that Christopher Nolan just loves, because he will delve below all of our expectations and blow them right out of the water . . . or WILL he? BRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHMMMMMMM

Today in who gives a fuck:
  • The Kardashian Media Whore Experience went on Conan last night, possibly an indication of how desperate Conan already is for guests. And it turns out that at least one of the Kardashian girls puts mayonnaise on her bajingo. And no, you will never look at a roast beef sandwich the same way again. 
  • Ashton Kutcher is planning legal action against Vivid Entertainment if they use his name in conjunction with his alleged mistress Brittney Jones's sex tape. Vivid Entertainment, meanwhile, is planning on locking itself in a dark room with some hand lotion and a box of tissues. But they were probably doing that anyway.
  • The Bieber has a mustache. And oh my god, I DEFY you to look at this picture without a) bursting into laughter, b) doing a bad Inspector Clousseau impression or c) both.

Mila Kunis says filming a sex scene with Justin Timberlake was awkward because of all the people watching and bits and pieces hanging out. And then there was the film crew.

Hey, knuckleheads! Remember that Three Stooges movie that was going to be directed by the Farrelly Brothers, and which was supposed to star Jim Carrey, Benicio del Toro, and Sean Penn? Whaddaya mean "No?" *pokes you in the eye* Well, turns out the property has been purchased from the ailing MGM by 20th Century Fox. The Farrellys are still set to direct, but they're going to have to re-cast the leads. And from the sound of things they'll probably take anyone who has a pulse at this point. Which could lead to a trainwreck of epic proportions. It's sabatoogie, I tell ya!  

The Staten Island mansion used in the filming of The Godfather is up for sale. The asking price is about $2.9 million. Horse heads not included. 

And that's the news. Next up, another fun-filled episode of Driving With Gary Busey!

. . . or not.


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