13 December 2010

Tried to please her, she only played the Notes From The News

Evening all! Sorry to leave you in the lurch on Friday; my schedule got the better of me and I wound up with no time to note any news or blog any links or even to inter any nets until very late in the day. My bad. In order to make up for it, I'm dropping in some extra content today. Enjoy!

So, all the stuff I was telling you about Ridley Scott's Alien prequel last week? Complete and utter bullshit of the purest ray serene. But at least you can rest easy in the knowledge that at least I give enough of a shit to tell you it's bullshit. Unlike the government, which I guess assumes you know things are bullshit already. 

Won't somebody think of the children, dept.: Congrats to Gabe and Tycho at Penny Arcade for doing something their eternal nemesis Jack Thompson has never done and could never do: Actually help children. Their charity Child's Play has raised over one million dollars for children's hospitals this year. Good job, guys. And thanks for proving that gamers aren't just social reprobates who like blowing shit up. Though that can be fun too.

I don't want to go on the cart, dept.: Jazz legend James Moody died of pancreatic cancer this weekend at the age of 85. Moody was best known for his song "Moody's Mood for Love," one of the all time jazz records. Our condolences to Moody's family during this time. 

I'm sorry, Marc Webb. You can't get back into my good graces that easily. I don't care how many of the Spider-Man supporting cast you squeeze into your movie at this point, it's not going to work. You blew it by doubling down on the villains and going all lame on me. Sorry. Won't work. Not even Flash Thompson can win me over now. Nice try, though. 

The eclectic Elephant 6 music collective is taking its show on the road in a series of "Holiday Surprise" concerts -- in February and March. So they're either going by a long out-of-date Julian calendar or the holidays in question are Presidents' Day and St Patrick's Day. Or they're just fookin' weeeeeiiiiirrrrrrrd.

Roger Ebert reminds us of what we already knew: The MPAA ratings system is ancient, arbitrary, and about as useful as a wet sock in the middle  of the macaroni and cheese. 

Today in who gives a fuck:
  • Piers Morgan is banning Madonna from his new CNN show because she's "too boring." In response Madonna looked up from her piles of moolah and said, "Who is this little man and why have we not bought his ass?"
  • Leighton Meester says she's leaving Gossip Girl in two years, at which point she'll be too old by Hollywood standards to convincingly play ANYONE, EVER. 
  • Kate Gosselin has a new shag hairdo, but it doesn't matter because nobody wants to shag her anyway. 
  • You know how I know Billy Ray Cyrus is sad about his daughter ripping salvia hits from a bong? He told the entire world via Twitter, just like any other responsible non attention whore parent trying very hard not to fuck up his daughter for life. can't wait till he has "the talk" with her via her Facebook page. 

The latest Reese Witherspoon prepackaged processed vitamin fortified romantic comedy film product cost $120 million dollars to produce. Imagine how much it would have cost if it had been any good! 

Ja Rule has been sentenced to two years in prison for gun possession. Because when guns are outlawed, only the outlaws will have stupid names. 

The Los Angeles Film Critics Association, the Boston Society Of Film Critics, and the New York Film Critics Online have all clicked "Like" for The Social Network. GET IT? IT'S A FACEBOOK THING WITH THE BOOK AND THE FACE AND THE LIKING AND IT'S FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA someone kill me now please. 

The Transporter is coming to TV, which could be awesome. Taken is also being developed as a series, which is just damned silly. I mean, the Transporter stuff is more or less interchangeable chase scenes. What are they going to do with Taken to change things up from week to week? "Oh my God, my roommate's been kidnapped!" "I will find them and hurt them with blowtorches and pliers." Two weeks later: "Oh my God, the airline lost my luggage!" "I will find them and break their fingers with a melon baller and a popsicle stick." "Oh my god, this guy cut me off in traffic!" "I will . . . you know what, fuck this, I'm getting a beer." 

And that's that. Hope your day is good to you and that your evening is even better. Meanwhile, now is the time on Nighthawk Postcards when we find out who's been getting into the steroids:


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