13 November 2012

And now for something completely the same old shit

Oh for fuck's sake:




I cant remember if Ive said this before, but Im gonna say it anyway. I dont give a crap.I appreciate a pretty Gal as much as the next Hetero Male. Sometimes I even go in for some racy type stuff ( keeping the comments PG for my Ladies sake) but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick and tired of the whole COSPLAY-Chiks. I
 know a few who are actually pretty cool-and BIG Shocker, love and read Comics.So as in all things, they are the exception to the rule. Heres the statement I wanna make, based on THE RULE: "Hey! Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Girl, you are more pathetic than the REAL Nerds, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC. But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you are ever so average on an everyday basis. But you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to become almost completely Naked in public, and yer either skinny( Well, some or most of you, THINK you are ) or you have Big Boobies. Notice I didnt say GREAT Boobies? You are what I refer to as "CON-HOT". Well not by my estimation, but according to a LOT of average Comic Book Fans who either RARELY speak to, or NEVER speak to girls. Some Virgins, ALL unconfident when it comes to girls, and the ONE thing they all have in common? The are being preyed on by YOU. You have this really awful need for attention, for people to tell you your pretty, or Hot, and the thought of guys pleasuring themselves to the memory of you hanging on them with your glossy open lips, promising them the Moon and the Stars of pleasure, just makes your head vibrate. After many years of watching this shit go down every 3 seconds around or in front of my booth or table at ANY given Con in the country, I put this together. Well not just me. We are LEGION. And here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT COMICS, BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST MAINSTREAM CHARACTER WITH THE MOST REVEALING COSTUME EVER. And also, if ANY of these guys that you hang on tried to talk to you out of that Con? You wouldnt give them the fucking time of day. Shut up you damned liar, no you would not. Lying, Liar Face. Yer not Comics. Your just the thing that all the Comic Book, AND mainstream press flock to at Cons. And the real reason for the Con, and the damned costumes yer parading around in? That would be Comic Book Artists, and Comic Book Writers who make all that shit up.



I really was hoping we could move past this nonsense. I really was. Fandom and the cons have had more than enough of this misogynist crap, and the galloping gobshites who spout it. But clearly we are not fated to be so lucky. And so, since the author of the post seems to have some trouble expressing what he really means, here is a translation of the above tripe:


"I cant remember if Ive said this before, but Im gonna say it anyway. I dont give a crap".

Read: "Holy shirt am I drunk."

"I appreciate a pretty Gal as much as the next Hetero Male."

This is the misogynist's equivalent of "I have black friends!"

"Sometimes I even go in for some racy type stuff" 

"HUURRR I LIKE TEH PORNS HURRDEDURRDURR"

"( keeping the comments PG for my Ladies sake)" 

Because the wimmin folks need to be pwotected from big stwong me and my wangwage. Sowwy for oo's widdle ears burning!

"but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick and tired of the whole COSPLAY-Chiks. I know a few who are actually pretty cool-and BIG Shocker, love and read Comics."

Tokens, in other words. Just the way you like 'em, right?

"So as in all things, they are the exception to the rule. Heres the statement I wanna make, based on THE RULE:"


THE RULE THAT I JUST MADE UP BECAUSE I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD AND EVERYONE MUST DOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT I SAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

"Hey! Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Girl,"

In my opinion, and you can tell just looking at me that I know what's hot and what's not. You can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk!

"you are more pathetic than the REAL Nerds, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC."

... yeeeaaaahhhhh, can't imagine why anyone would think that about YOU, hoss. You're on cruise control for cool wit' dat caps lock, bro. WHOOOO *fist bump*

"But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you are ever so average on an everyday basis."

OH DEAR SWEET LORD OF CUPCAKES NO THERE ARE AVERAGE PEOPLE AROUND MEEEEEE

"But you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to become almost completely Naked in public," 

Which don't get me wrong, is awesome and everything, as long as I can shame you for it at my leisure . . .

"and yer either skinny( Well, some or most of you, THINK you are )" 

HAY LESS ALL STAND AROUND THE GURLS AND CHANT "FATTY FATTY FATT FATT"

"or you have Big Boobies. Notice I didnt say GREAT Boobies?" 

Because your boobies must pass a special test that I just made up, now place them here so I can administer it because BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"You are what I refer to as "CON-HOT". Well not by my estimation, but according to a LOT of average Comic Book Fans who either RARELY speak to, or NEVER speak to girls."

Because as long as I'm being an offensive asshole, I might as well be one to everybody!

"Some Virgins, ALL unconfident when it comes to girls, and the ONE thing they all have in common? The are being preyed on by YOU."

Well, actually, you're just trying to earn a living, they're actually being preyed upon by the people who create and sell the characters you dress up as, but hey what's a strawman argument between friends amirite?

"You have this really awful need for attention,"

Unlike the rest of us, who are just here to put on "The Student Prince" . . .

"for people to tell you your pretty, or Hot, and the thought of guys pleasuring themselves to the memory of you hanging on them with your glossy open lips, promising them the Moon and the Stars of pleasure, just makes your head vibrate."

Because BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"After many years of watching this shit go down every 3 seconds around or in front of my booth or table at ANY given Con in the country, I put this together. Well not just me. We are LEGION." 

AND WE WILL POSSESS YOU no wait. WE WILL BE THE OOONNNNEEE, KIISSS YOU SOOO HAAARRRDD ahh dammit I did it again. My bad.

"And here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT COMICS," 

Hey, welcome to San Diego Comic-Con! Need a press badge?

"BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST MAINSTREAM CHARACTER WITH THE MOST REVEALING COSTUME EVER."

Which Greg Land has NEVER, EVER done. EVER!

"And also, if ANY of these guys that you hang on tried to talk to you out of that Con? You wouldnt give them the fucking time of day." 

And neither would a lot of the girls they liked in junior high and high school, which is where all this deep seated resentment and misogyny comes from. Not that I would know ANYTHING ABOUT THAT! *looks around all shifty-eyed*

"Shut up you damned liar, no you would not. Lying, Liar Face."

NEENER NEENER NEENER YOU'RE A STOOPID DOODY HEAD NYAAAAHHHHHH THPPFFFTTTTT

"Yer not Comics." 


Clearly it has been established that you are girls! With boobies! Because BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"Your just the thing that all the Comic Book, AND mainstream press flock to at Cons. And the real reason for the Con, and the damned costumes yer parading around in? That would be Comic Book Artists, and Comic Book Writers who make all that shit up."

And draw things that prey on the geeks in exactly the same way only we didn't think to hire you ourselves and capitalize on it first so WE ARE JEALOUS AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH *eats keyboard*

***

Dude. Why don't you just call them "whores," get it out of your system, and MOVE THE FUCK ON. Because honestly, this is getting vaguely absurd at this point.

Seriously--we need to move on from this shit, folks. We should be better than this. We need to be better than this. The alternative is crypto-chowderhead He-Man Woman-Haters club nonsense screeds like this. And honestly, most of us who are adults and have achieved some level of actual maturity in our emotional lives are tired of this kind of crap. THIS is what is giving geek culture a bad name, not hired-gun cosplayers. Maybe if Tony "Effing" (and that's a hell of a middle name there, d00d) Harris and everyone who agreed with him grew the fuck up a little, we could all move past this shit. 

Just a thought. Your mileage may vary. But in times like these, I fall back on the words of one Wil Wheaton: Don't be a dick. 

It's really not that hard if you work at it a little. Try it sometime, you may be surprised.

(Note: "BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC is a direct steal from john Scalzi. Gotta credit the sources of my thievery.)

12 comments:

  1. This is positively covered in awesome sauce. I love you. (I promise I'm not a stalker, just a fellow reader of Scalzi's blog and a sometime lover of comic books.)

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    1. Thanks! I had fun doing this. Nice to know other people like it too. :)

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    2. Also, I don't think I get assigned a stalker until I join SFWA or something. I'd have to ask Scalzi about that. ;)

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  2. Thank you for that. I needed the laugh and the breakdown after reading all that vitriol. :-)

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    1. I figured it'd be better to paint a mustache on it than to respond in kind. Thank you for the compliment. :)

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  3. [Also here from Scalzi's blog, catching up on a huge pile of internet I missed while out of the country for a month.]

    Awesome translation, sounds accurate in the extreme. :)

    What I really love about this idiot is that he seems to primarily be concerned that these fake-fans dressing up in their revealing costumes aren't hot enough. They're not pretty enough, and their boobs aren't good enough. One must speculate that if the women in front of his table in the revealing costume were all hot-n-sexy by his personal standards, that he wouldn't give a damn whether they knew anything about the fandom his griping about their fakeness as geeks seems decidedly secondary. :P

    Angie

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    1. Glad you liked the post, Angie. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  4. Also from Scalzi blog.. only read your comments and thought that's a pretty accurate read on his intent and that its a great takedown, if only I could be so articulate ;). Plus the boobies line, classic!

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    1. Thanks. Sorry it took so long to respond here, Blogger is picky about letting me know when I have comments sometimes. :)

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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